~Forty Shades of Blue because it's in my top 10. may not be in 10 years, but it has been for a lot of years. i almost very nearly hope that it doesn't resonate with me forever.
~"Everything I touch turns to shit. Everyone I try to love won't hear of it. Now my hands are over full of things I'd like to give." -the same, Jenny Owen Youngs, from her song 'Drinking Song'. bah that sounds ultra-dramatic. i think what i really like about it is the phrase 'won't hear of it'. you just don't hear anyone say that anymore. 'let me give you gas money.' *actually, THAT is something you don't hear anymore either* 'no please, i won't hear of it.' it's dismissive and polite at the same time. ? also, i'm getting ready to start a book titled 'Drinking: a love story'. so there's that.
hi gang. pull up a.
i was just doing the numbers today: 35 years old. 35. that makes my mom 69 years old. my dad, 71. most of my schooltime pals have families of some sort or another. i'm nowhere near marriage and kids are completely outta the question for me.
in theory, the idea of marriage appeals to me so much. in reality, it's so crazy it's funny and it's so funny it's not even a joke. don't get me wrong. i really like married couples. they fascinate me and, if i'm being honest here, i envy them. but i look around and, jesus, it's just me here.
not only am i not bothered by that, but i'm not bothered by the fact that i'm not bothered by that. sure, i have bouts, but in the long run...if you don't have anyone around, you don't have to shave when you don't want to, you can sleep on your own cracker/cookie crumbs in bed, you can laugh and cry whenever you want without offering explanation...i'm not going to go on about the perks of solitude. that's the cowboy junkies' job. i'm just letting my fingers do the thinking as i'm doing the drinking.
when i was a young girl, pre-pre-teen, i was cleaning house and my older sister said, "you're going to be a great wife." knew she meant it as a compliment. didn't think much of that until i got a little older when i thought i wanted to be either a cigarette girl (still do, kinda) or a stewardess. those gals are on the go! i thought husbands are too heavy! (still do, kinda).
on the flip.
when i was young young college-young and having a fling with an older fella, he said to me, "you're not the marrying kind, Red." (he flew me to vegas. he asked me what to bet and i said, " 7 red", hence the name).
it felt like a slap, but he meant it as a compliment.
i had a visual flash when he said that:
fast forward to years gone by and ______ (enter multiple names there) is sitting and staring, spacey-eyed thinking, just briefly, about our time together (could be hours, nites, years). his wife walks in. dkny robe and good hair. she sees him with his twilight zone eyes and asks, in passing, not really meaning it, 'what're thinking about?' and he answers, truthfully,
'nothing.'
clink.
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